 Coming Up Empty
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Jun. 16th, 2007 @ 07:33 pm 
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I'm new to this whole livejournal thing, so you'll have to bear with me as I try to explain myself and my reasonings.
I'm recently single. I was in a relationship for about a year, and the easiest way to put it is it didn't work out. Numberous reasons behind the break, but I think none of them are relavent nor worth mentioning. The important part is, I'm searching, kind of. I haven't really decided if I would like to settle down or not. I have an amazing guy following me around, B. But B has been single for a long time, and is ready for a relationship. Where as I have been single for about 3 months and am ready for no such commitment. I really just don't want to screw up the next one, so I'm taking my time. Logical to me, fustrating to him. And there is another guy, T, who I have been secretly crushing on for, like, 2 years. The amazing part is I finally told him, and he didn't run away screaming! Ten points! But I still have strong feelings for W (the ex). If he were to knock on my door right this second saying that he loves me and he wants to try again (for the fourth time i might add) I would wrap my arms around him and kiss him until my lips bled.
Anyways, I'm a writer. I'm good at lyrics, poems, short stories, and fantasy mostly. That's what I tend to write anyways. I'm occassionally good for an essay or something of that sort, but since I've graduated high school, I've found little use for it (woah big suprise there, right?).
That's one of the ten million things that I am good at, and that's the reason that I haven't invested (cough*wasted money on*cough) in college yet. I don't know what I want to be. I thought that I wanted to be a forensic scientist, but after finding the body of my roommate after he commited suicide, I quickly changed my mind. I wouldn't mind being an english/creative writing professor, but I'm not an exceptionally smart person. I just have a big mind and a limitless imagination.
Currently, I am a cake decorator at a local chain grocery store. We have a great reputation, and I personally have a large clientel, considering my age and experience. I can do anything from a cream puff to a wedding cake with what would appear to be minimal effort. I will assure you that while I like my job, I have no intention of staying at this store forever. It just wouldn't be worth it in the end.
My family is always trying to decide what's best for me. I, being the usual stubborn child, have resisted every attempt and bribery from the all of them. My mother would like me to move with her to West Virginia so that I can go back to culinary school. She would also like to hook me up with one of her techs at the pharmacy. She is bound and determined to have me a young mother. I will not. Sounds to me much like a yawnfest. My grandparents would like me to move to Indiana for much similar reasons, except for the single parenting reason. My Aunt Jean would like me in Rochester, and my Uncle Ed in Boston. More with all of the culinary schooling that I am convinced I do not want to do. The most promising offer has been from my Uncle David in San Antonio. He owns 3 salons (currently) and has suggested that I move with him, go to school, and he'll give me a salon. Sounds promising. Maybe in the next few years, just not right now.
One thing I supose I will be known for is my sexual promiscuity. I go through guys/men/boys like no one would believe. I'm not a craddle robber mind you, I will just catagorize them like that according to their attitudes. I'll also note that I date a lot of boys and guys in opposition to men. I've found very few members of the opposite sex to be worth my time, leaving me to believe I'm much better off alone.
I'll probably use this journal to make note of my daily routine, any wild parties, and the occasional "sexcapade." The latter being the most unlikely. I'll try to keep as updated as possible.
My day was horrific. I went into work at 7, per usual for a Sunday, only to find a wedding cake on a rack infront of my bench. Head decorator didn't want to do it, so it logically got passed down to me. Great. It wasn't hard, it was just ugly. Plain white with black polka dots. Disgusting. Not exactly wedding material. Unless it was for, like, dalmations or something.
So I started off by making 100lbs of buttercream icing, doing the wedding cake, and 10 cake orders. Follow that by 15 fathers day giant message cookies and 8-1/4 sheets for the cooler, and you have roughly a five hundred dollars worth of cake done just by yours truly. Not my favorite thing in the world I assure you.
I paid my electric and phone bill today. Yikes how I hate bills. Follow that by the fine that I had to pay yesterday, and we're talking about two hundred dollars shelled out in the past few days. Sigh. I hate working and having little to show for it. Although, I suppose being 20 and living on ones own is something quite remarkable. Not to mention the whole full time job thing. So I suppose I'm rather successful so far.
So I come home, fix myself some yummy yummy Smith's hot dogs and play the Sims 2 on my PS2. Boring!!!! So I do the regular, check myspace, check facebook, check email thing and now here I sit. Talking to Aaron and blogging. Fun stuff.
I broke out some of my old songs that I've written over the past year or so. I'm just trying to find something that will make me feel better about the whole W situation. Hence the title of the blog, because that's the title of the lyrics.
Coming Up Empty
I'm sorry I pissed you off
I really don't mean to
I just get worried
You don't mean what you say
And I haven't an answer
To why I am with you
And I don't know why
You are still here
Hold my hand on your knee
Kick my feet under the table
The little things that mattered
Now seem so pointless
A notch that never felt so good
I hope she was worth it
I'm the best you'll never have
You were the love I couldn't have
Now what am I supposed to do
Tell me that I'm worth it
You don't want to dessert it
A broken heart is all I have
That's left of you
Break it fast and hurt me quick
I see you now and it makes me sick
Do I love you
Or wonder what I was thinking
Makes no difference
There's nothing here for you or me
You hold not any signs of compassion
I hold not any signs of remorse
I'll give you the finger
And wriet you another sad love songCurrent Mood:  artistic Current Music: Hey There Delilah- Plain White T's |
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